The Not Enough-Ness of Shame

Saw a tweet from Aja Monet about how for some people, you will never be enough for them. Word. Big facts. No lies detected.

Life and shame research taught me that these types of people, (myself included), they usually aren't enough for themselves. Especially type A perfectionists types in denial about their shame. When I’m not feeling enough, chances are, no one will be enough for me because them just existing in their enough-ness will bring me shame.

It’s never personal.

When you don't feel enough, or when someone triggers insecurity in you, or they shame you/makes you feel shame, seeing them as enough will always cause you more shame/pain. You need to always position them as beneath you, so you feel less ashamed. Nothing they do will ever be enough.

I studied that in myself and saw the same pattern in a lot of other people around me. These dynamics play out in parent/child, teacher/student, sibling, friends, romantic, employee/employer, strangers, all over. The most insecure people (myself included) usually have someone around them who will never be enough for them but they still keep around anyway to always feel good about themselves.

I could just be projecting.

Until next time, in solidarity.