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Stalking Is Not Romantic

Updated: Sep 19, 2022

Photo Cred: Dorothy Attakora-Gyan

YouTube video and Soundcloud audio versions are available.

So, my Airbnb host is super talented and can sing and taught herself how to play the ukulele. She introduced me to her YouTube channel last night (check it out, like, subscribe, share, support YouTubers cause it takes a lot of time, courage, and little to no pay). Anyway, she sings in English, French, and Vietnamese.

This song she told me about, is Vietnamese, and called, "Ghen," which means, 'jealous/jealousy.' She said it's a song about a man, a boy really, who is obsessed with this woman/girl and can't bear to see her move on with others. He's obsessed and jealous and singing about it. hOw RoMaNtIc.

Huh, I thought, sounds like most het cis dating scripts tied to stalking, toxic masculinities, entitlement, breach of privacy/ boundaries, etc. We have movies on the topic, and others have written about it. All of it felt ironic, given that the title and Vietnamese word sound like my last name, "Gyan." Basically, the pronunciation of my hyphenated name means jealousy in Vietnamese, how fitting (sings: Beyonce's Jealous, "I'm just human, don't judge me" ). You can't tell me you don't see the connections or irony of all of it.

I recently wrote about my experience with stalking (barely, not safe yet). I don't even know if I'm being stalked for real or by who. Everything happens for a reason, glad I came across this song & my talented host.


All to say, Happy Tuesday. Stop excusing and confusing toxic obsessions with love and romance (even I bought into it once). That's the old template. We stepping into new timelines now. The old ways led to abuse and sometimes, violence and death/femicide. While the police can't do much, we can take care of each other. Abolition is the future. Intervene. De-escalate. Minimize harm. Women deserve to say no, to move on, and to make choices without fear of violence or retaliation. Or enablers excusing it as "hE jUsT mUsT rEaLlY lOvE yOu If He StAyEd ArOuNd ThIs LoNg. LOL it's called control, domination, disrespect, and violation of boundaries, not love. Please listen to and believe women fr. Until that world and reality are real, blessing your timeline with some ukulele. Enjoy.

Don’t forget to like, subscribe, share, or consider making a donation to my PayPal at Dee Archives, visit my website for links and details. Thanks for stopping by. Take care of one another. I’ll post a new blog tomorrow, hopefully, I’ll be more energized, though I should warn you, I’m about to give my unsolicited 2 cents on “the slap.” I feel so corny jumping on the bandwagon, and so late. It's called How Shame Moved Jada, Will, and Chris Away, Against, and Toward Each Other Relationally. I put the incident in conversation with my Ph.D. research. See you then.

Until next time, in solidarity.

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